Nothing prepares you for this.

It was the summer of 2016 when I found out I was pregnant again, with twins, after years of trying, IVF and 1 stillborn at 38 weeks, just about when I was due. Even though I tried to stay away from bad thoughts, every now and then, some crossed my mind. I couldn’t help not to think of the many risks a pregnancy comes with, because I knew them very well. Too well. But I hoped that God might have a different plan this time, after all I’ve been through. My pregnancy was one of mixed emotions. I knew that it wasn’t going to be an easy road but somehow I managed to keep my hopes alive.

Contractions started at 28 weeks. We rushed to the hospital and the amazing team managed to stop them. I was sent home after 2 weeks, feeling better. I knew that something can go wrong anytime so I put myself to bed rest. I counted every day that went by and getting to 34 weeks felt like a blessing. I knew that I might not get very much further than this, but even though I did not think that giving birth would be so early the past 34 weeks.

1 day past my 34 weeks mark I started to have contractions again. But this time they were different, I remembered them from my previous pregnancy. We rushed to the hospital again and 10 hours later my baby boy and my baby girl ware born, 40 cm – 2045 gr, 39 cm – 1900 gr. They were breathing surprisingly good, but the doctors took them to the incubator anyway.

We stayed for 38 days in the hospital. For us, everything was good because, thankfully, my babies were putting on weight very well. But the reality behind the doors where premature babies were taken care of is something you cannot prepare for.

The silence behind those doors was immense. No baby crying. No giggling.

Breathing seemed hard. If you listened closely you could even hear your heartbeat. I almost felt guilty for the pace I felt seeing my big babies getting stronger. It seems strange, but yes, my babies were big, compared to the other premature babies.

Preparing a baby for going home was treated almost like a celebration. It was like another milestone was added to their lifespan along with going to school, graduation, getting married, having children…

Seeing all those babies fighting for their lives was the lesson I will never forget. The lesson that brings me tears of joy every day when we are healthy and strong.

No one should never experience this. No one should see their baby helpless in a glass box, struggling to breathe.

No baby should be kept away from their mother’s touch, embrace, breast… They should be put in their parents’ arms and never let go until they want to leave to discover the world.

For them we pray. For the power that grows from within every time, they hear mother’s voice. To become stronger and healthier. To go home…

Anonymous story we received in November 2019 from one of our babywearing mamas.

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